Work-Life Balance

As I'm typing this, I am hoping against hope that a certain sleepy toddler doesn't wake up. My 20-month-old son Felix woke up this morning with the telltale runny nose and eye gunk that said "Change your plans, Mom." I got him dressed in hopes that he'd perk up and we could send him off to daycare - but when I felt his forehead, I knew that all bets were off. And so I'm home, in my living room, listening to the quiet house and sitting in silent awe of my own life and the delicate thing that we call "work-life balance."


I used to hate the phrase "work-life balance," and I insist it's a false dichotomy. Work is very much a part of my life, and my personal life informs and shapes my professional perspective.


But the more I think about it, especially now that I have two small human beings in my care, the more I understand that it is a balancing act as complex and awe-inspiring as anything you'll see in Cirque de Soleil.


I have a theory that I call "The Rule of 4." There are four great endeavors which can consume an adult's energy:

1.Working
2.Going to school
3.Caring for children
4.Maintaining a home life

Most emotionally healthy adults can reasonably expect to do exactly two of these things well at any given time. You can focus on three in short bursts - e.g., finishing up your degree while working and having kids, but only because you know that it's only one semester, you have a fridge full of Red Bull, and nobody minds that your house looks to be three days away from a Hoarders intervention. The Rule of 4 is also a great excuse to rationalize hiring a housekeeper.


My days are very full. My alarm goes off at 4:30, and I often wake up fairly certain that I forgot something. Is it pajama day at school? Are there field trip permission slips to turn in? Did I bring my laptop home last night? Do I have a meeting that requires me to dress more competently than usual?


When I was 25 and childless, I would never have believed that I'd wake up at such an unholy hour and maintain a cheerful attitude to boot.


And yet, somehow, it balances. Some days, I feel like I'm stacking plates while riding a unicycle, but I grab more of them: Swimming lessons? Why not! Piano? Sure! Of course I can fit in trips to the gym and make a digital scrapbook for my mother! Perhaps I'll take up yoga and Pinterest, too, while I'm at it.


I was marveling at this today, while I was dialed into a conference call with Felix's fever-warmed head resting on my lap, Yo Gabba Gabba! playing in the background. I muted the phone and said "I love you," and for the first time ever, Felix said "Love you" right back.


There is a formula for this, I realized, and it's both simpler and more complex than my Rule of 4. It's love. Love (and my alarm clock) draw me out of bed and give me the energy for the people in my life - those who are related to me, and those with whom I work. Love makes it a no-brainer that I had to stay home today, and it's there in the trust that I have with my manager and my team, knowing that the work I'm responsible for will get done, when it needs to get done. Love also gives me the courage to say hard things, like telling my 5-year-old "I can't play with you now, I'm working" and know that she'll forgive me because I will keep my promises and play with her later.


I won't pretend that I was as productive today as I would have been in the office. I'll probably be online for awhile tonight, and may have to scramble a bit to meet my to-dos for later in the week. But I'll approach that work with love, enthusiasm, and gratitude because it meant I got to be here today. And that, to me, is work-life balance.