Imagine spending all day listening to the rants of a cranky, hypercritical jerk who blows everything out of proportion. You'd be miserable. Are you sabotaging your happiness by being your own jerk?
Check your own internal monologue to see if you're guilty of any of these dangerous distortions:
Overgeneralizing
You walk to the shared office printer, and for the second time this week, the pages of your document are out of order. You say to yourself, "This always happens! Can't I just once print my letters without going through this ordeal?" "No one here has any manners!" "Have we lost all basic decency in this day and age?"
By overgeneralizing, you blatantly disregard all evidence of times when things went right, when people were considerate of you. Dismissing all of the good things around you just because of a few problems is destructive and inaccurate. A better reaction would be: "This has happened a couple of times now, and I wonder if I can do anything to prevent it from happening again, or if I should just let it go."
Destructive Labeling
After a single incident, you're ready to label someone for all time. A tech support rep gave incorrect information to a customer, and now you're sorting out the problem. "That rep is incompetent!" "He has no business working here!" "That whole department is incompetent!"
Everyone makes mistakes (yes, even you). Using a single incident to label someone, or worse yet, a group of people, is disrespectful and dangerous. You're also telling yourself that nothing can be done to fix the situation - if the whole department is broken, then it's easy to feel hopeless. A better response would be, "It seems he was mistaken in what he told the customer, so I'll fix the customer's issue and let the tech support rep know the correct answer for next time."
Mind Reading
Your manager arrives at work and isn't her usual, friendly self. "She's upset with me." "She's probably unhappy with my customer satisfaction ratings from last month. She's never liked me, and now my low scores give her a reason to punish me. I had better stay away from her today."
Putting thoughts, especially negative ones, into someone else's mind will cause you nothing but useless anxiety. If someone's behavior is puzzling you, why not ask directly - "You look like you have a lot on your mind. Is there anything I can help with?" She might just be feeling ill or have missed her usual shot of espresso.
Making up Rules
You mentally create a code of thinking and behaving for other people, then are baffled or disappointed when they don't follow it. "My boss should have apologized for what she said in that meeting." "The team should feel really grateful that I fixed the copier." "Everyone should know I'm due for Employee of the Month."
By expecting others to think and behave as you want them to, you are setting yourself up for a life of anger, disappointment, and perceived injustice. Human motivation is very complex. If someone's actions confuse you, and the relationship is important, try to better understand that person by asking questions and listening openly.
Perspective Distortion
You wait til the last minute to reconcile your monthly expenses, and when you log in, the accounting system is down. "This is a disaster! I can't do my work! The monthly budget numbers will be all messed up, and I'll get in trouble for sure! If I get fired, I won't be able to afford my house payments, and I'll have to move back in with my parents!"
If there is a solution or workaround, it is not a disaster. In this example, you could call or e-mail your boss or someone from accounting and let them know that you couldn't submit your report through the system. It might be a little embarrassing to admit that you waited until the last minute, and you might have to do your report manually, but you will recover. Calliing a setback a catastrophe or a disaster magnifies its intensity, triggers your own "fight or flight" response, and distorts your thinking even more.
Distortion Smorgasbord
Practitioners of distorted thinking seldom use just one method. Their internal monologues are often a buffet of distortion patterns that lead to one miserable conversation. Imagine a distorted thinker if his or her computer crashed:
"This is a catastrophe! Bad things always happen to me! Those ignoramuses at the Help Desk messed everything up when they installed the new version of Office, like they always do! And they never know how to fix things either, so I'm not even going to bother calling them. They should be called the Helpless Desk! Now I won't be able to get any work done, which will put me behind on my projects, which will give my manager the excuse he's been looking for to fire me. He is so rude - He never thanked me for the candy I put in his dish last week, and I am still waiting for an apology from him for the time he took my favorite parking space. Getting fired is going to ruin my life! Without health insurance, I won't be able to afford my allergy meds, and I'll have to get rid of my cat! A poor, defenseless animal is going to lose its home just because the company insisted on upgrading to the newest verson of Office!"
Because distorted thinking is so ridiculous, humor is a great antidote. Write out some of your most ridiculous distorted thoughts and have a good laugh. Don't let something this silly destroy your life and career.
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